Thinking Win-Win

The PR novice will find out what people want to hear, and tell it to them. True masters, however, know that the secret is to ignore their opinions entirely - and make them want to hear what you want to tell them. Similarly, while it is possible (and, indeed, encouraged) to manipulate people by mundane means, only a Win-Win Guru's tongue is powerful enough to deceive reality itself.

Thinking Win-Win is the Synergy of manipulation, desire, and wish-fulfillment. It is not so vulgar as to stoop to mere mind control - instead it is subtle, persistent, and insidious. The real mark of success is when victims people don't know they've been manipulated at all. Then everyone wins!

Casting a Win-Win spell typically involves a tangled mess of content-free weasel words, slogans, and glittering generalities, and onlookers find themselves nodding and murmuring in agreement even though they have no idea what is being said. Only other Gurus can identify the spell from its invocation if its effect isn't immediately obvious.

Generating Synergy for Thinking Win-Win is done by relentlessly gauging public opinion with market research: bombarding the public with a torrent of questionnaires, vox pop interviews and focus groups. The more obscure the data collected, the better. Finding out how many children middle-aged Americans have is good. Finding out how many goldfish, on average, are owned by pensioners in Barton-under-Needwood, Staffordshire - and how many they intend to purchase in the next fiscal quarter - is better.

Networking and Productivity are the core competencies most effectively leveraged to gauge public opinion on a grand scale.

Infusing corporate brand management into the tip of their finger, the Guru may touch a something and 'Brand' it with a hiss and puff of smoke. Surfaces, Objects, People can all be branded causing their colour schemes, font and imagery to change in line with the Gurus desired Brand identity. The effect will wear off after a few days but in the mean time it really catches the eye and sells the product.

This spell allows the caster to instantly change their attire to perfectly match expectations for the current situation. Useful whenever you find yourself needing to attend a lunch meeting straight after a mud-wrestling tournament or move flawlessly from a wild west rodeo to faux-16th century French banquet. This spell alters clothes, accessories, hair style and make-up as desired, and your perfectly appropriate attire is bound to make people respond positively to you in any situation.

The marketing master always has his finger on the pulse of public opinion, so that he can flagrantly ignore it later. This spell reveals surface beliefs and desires of a group of people in the form of glowing thought bubbles above the subjects' heads, visible only to the Guru.

When cast after conversation or the mention of a certain topic, the spell indicates whether the subjects believe the Guru, or their opinion of the person or object of the discussion. If subjects aren't paying attention or have no strong opinions, the reading may be overwhelmed by information about what they had for lunch, or how desperately they need the toilet. The smaller the group and the more specific the topic of inquiry, the more detailed the results.

This spell infects a target's mind with an improbably catchy soundbite, which festers in the back of their mind, no matter how hard they try to ignore it. This makes it much harder for them to concentrate on anything productive for the duration of the effect, and may result in annoying humming or vocalisation.

In many ways the opposite of Centre of Attention, the words of this spell conclude with the emphatic denial of the existence of or any reference to the subjects, which can be a couple of dozen people or larger objects of equivalent total mass.

The spell convinces all onlookers that the subjects do not exist, rendering them and their actions imperceptible for the duration. If the subjects interact with or attack onlookers, they will rationalize the consequences in comedic and improbable ways. Because of this, this spell is a favourite of bored Gurus with synergy to burn.

Cast upon a group of people, this spell interferes with the language centre of the subjects' brains, rendering them incapable of saying or writing anything other than a short phrase chosen by the Guru – whenever they open their mouths, this is all that comes out.

This makes ordinary communication impossible and, if cast preemptively, can therefore disrupt most forms of synergy usage.

Everyone likes shiny new toys, and sometimes it's prudent for the Win-Win Guru to deliver. This spell replaces the clothes, equipment, and contents of a large group of subjects' hands with any common object or Company product which the Guru can describe.

The subjects are completely enamoured with the products, and will use them at every opportunity, to the exclusion of more prudent courses of action. A city provided with a can of Carcino-Cola ™ will shut down as everyone simultaneously takes a snack break (and face a severe health crisis in six months' time). A mercenary platoon equipped with the latest military equipment will be fearless in their gusto to test out their new toys. The mind altering effect will fade after a few hours but the product will remain.

This spell temporarily causes everyone in a huge radius (save those the Guru chooses to spare at the moment of casting) to completely believe a short statement, commonly known as a “press release,” and act as if it were 100% true for a few days.

Extremely strong-willed or specially conditioned individuals, such as other Fast-Track Graduates, are liable to resist the effect, though the act of doing so may be taxing on their energy and concentration.

The syllables of this spell are spoken with such authority and raw charisma that the Guru is able to convince reality that what they are saying is entirely true. The Guru may speak a single gigantic lie and it becomes fact, in fact it becomes better than fact, it becomes Truth™. 100% endorsed by reality.

The lie must pertain to the Guru themselves and be of the form “I am…” and can be no longer than 10 words. Eventually (the exact time depending on just how ludicrous the lie was) the universe will realise that it has been tricked and will correct the problem…this process is liable to result in headaches for all involved and a great deal of confusion.

This spell instigates the apotheosis of a named subject, rendering them instantly world-famous, universally renowned (or infamous), and filthy stinking rich. The Guru specifies the nature of the subject's fame on casting – pop star, movie star, heartthrob TV physicist, and so on. This doesn't actually provide any kind of talent to the subject directly, but it does create a back-catalogue of (what are unanimously agreed upon as) hits and row upon row of merchandise, and thus a vast personal revenue stream for the foreseeable future, along with a token personal mansion / island.

More importantly, it burns the subject's name in the back of the mind of every human being who has ever come into contact with any form of mass media, and causes common folk to place great value in their words (and great interest in their personal lives, diets, and anything they've ever touched).

Fame, and income, will gradually fade if the subject makes absolutely no effort to maintain it; however, regardless of their actual talents, subjects typically find it impossible to do anything which does not add to either their fame or infamy.