Eternity

As the first new-paradigm Corporation meeting concludes, the The Eden Programme roars out of the atmosphere towing a cubic mile of gold having been acquired by the team of B. Johnson, Drake Watson and Max Profit. Rising into the night sky it seems as if the the ship will escape back into the post-mesophere market, as its dark shadow eclipses the still cooling moon. That is, until there is a terrible ripping in the fabric of reality and the titanic, besuited form of the asset seizure team of Kthulhu, Kthulhu and Goldberg appear. As tentacles surround the ship and its bullion, notices of intent are served to all on board and the ship quakes as monstrous legal forces, beyond the limited understanding of man or mango pull it inexorably into the dark void of corporate financial law. With a final thrum the ship slips into the darkness beyond the stars and is gone, as down below the Mangolians begin to sing, clearly sensing that some great malevolent presence has been banished.

Many hoped that was the last they would see of the Managing Directors, but in their hearts they knew that it was not to be, for how could even the terrible litigious might of KK&G hope to destroy such drive for results. None the less, with a spring in their step the survivors set about rebuilding the world.

A New World.

A Better World.

The powers of the new world rose quickly from the devalued assets of the old marketplace.

Nova Canada came into being from the old hive mind carefully nurtured by the infamous scientist Eisenhauer. Once one accepts their implant, first issued on a child’s 15th birthday, they join the Canadian Consciousness. This meta-informational society acts near instantaneously as a judge, jury, and if needs be, executioner. Realising for the first time the true reality of the old fashioned concept of democracy, it allows all inhabitants an equal vote on issues of the day. Accused by many of the unilluminated of being a communist state, it nonetheless has one of the greatest manufacturing bases on the planet rendering its inhabitants members of a post-scarcity society.

Of course, those who do not accept an implant are looked down upon, viewed merely as guests. They are welcome to visit, but they will never be part of the whole, they shall never be truly Canadian. Regardless, with access to the best facilities and near unlimited raw material the destination is popular with many independently minded scientists, ensuring that Nova Canada is at the forefront of Science!

And should anyone seek to destroy Nova Canada? Imagine an army that moves as one, fights as one. An army where decisions are made with a full grasp of the available information and acted on instantly. An army armed with the latest output of an R&D division.

“Corporate greed ruled the lands of yore
and made the working folk so poor
will it 'gain crush what we adore?
Quoth the Raven, nevermore!”

Rainbowland acts as a haven for those who seek to follow the philosophy of Flower Power, providing for each others needs through the manipulation of nega-synergy and representing all that is inimical to business. Even worker-owned cooperatives are frowned upon here. The rainbow formerly known as Monkey is worshipped as a great teacher, one who should be emulated.

Rainbowland is know as a haven for The Resistance, a group of individuals dedicated to searching out and eliminating any attempted corporate incursion with the fanatical zealotry of those who have seen the Truth about Business. They continue to scour the world, searching out all copies of the Five Effective Habits that remain and consigning them to a fiery doom.

Greater Mangolia was formed by the Mangolians under the leadership and guidance of their Supreme Generalissimo, Father of the World Chuck Brannigan. Over time an antagonistic dualistic religious system arises.

On one side is the mind-bending entity known as Greg Lucas. While defying gravity, the God beams reimagineered pre-shift works educating his followers in the ways of productivity. He teaches that pineapples are themselves a forbidden fruit, and that Lymanism is the worship of a Dark God.

On the other side there is the Dark Lord of Death, Pat Lyman, whose followers dress up as pineapples to conduct their strange rituals involving the force feeding of pineapples to the unwary on the seventh day of each week. Pineapple+™ becomes the most successful religious product in the market, with 6 of every 10 martyrs recommending it for its holiness and ability to stave off rickets. Of course, that is until a series of embargos against Pineapples are instituted worldwide resulting in a collapse of the fruit-market. This is the beginning of the great citrus-wars, that will ravage farming markets for generations to come.

Strangely, the adherents of the new religions do not come to blows too often, it seems that violence is not so much in the Mangolian’s nature - or perhaps the horror stories of the mass downsizing forever associated with the shift have left such a mark on the psyche that they cannot bring themselves to verge on that territory.

Similarly strangely, it is the temporal power that bans the practice of the Five Forbidden Habits. In its place the leveraging of Flower Power is used to try and perform Business, though it is but a pale imitation compared to what was before.

However it is here that draconic overlord and CEO Brannigan rebuilds the Company’s headquarters. By fiat existing shareholdings are declared incompetent and the company is temporarily nationalised to allow for the reallocation of shareholdings. The near-immediate reissue yields ex-officio holdings of 20% for the CEO, 4% for each MDs, 2% for each ED, and 40% split between remaining employees. The Company’s ethical investment strategy and forward-thinking personnel optimising murder reduction initiatives see it prosper, with DOG its only competition in a new marketplace.

As the Mangolian people develop they are watched over by the towering Black Monolith constructed by Dr Despair. It becomes a focus for their people. A place where their philosophers gather to discuss the ethics of investment and their elders meet to keep the peace. Over the years, often in the dead of night, scaffolding mysteriously rises around the obelisk as ‘upgrade task forces’ descend on the structure and the ominous humming it emits becomes ever louder.

Ten years pass, the corporation grows in harmony with the Mangolian’s and Canada, providing much needed goods and services, its shareholder cooperative ensuring that its corporate governance is both ethical, profitable and rainbow-focused, although it is suspected that may also have something to do with the record level of rainbows detected in aquifers worldwide.

Yet one dark day this idyllic market is shattered. Across the firmament a great fracture forms and within it is a darkness most terrible. From the fissure emerges a new corporation, its capitalization as large a second moon, but it is no moon. Black and terrible it slips through the gateway, a crystalline orb of shadows and smokey windows from which pulses a dark and terrible drive for Success! and around which crackles the awesome might of Synergy. Upon its obsidian surface stands a great golden sign: ‘JPW Inc. - A New Company for a New Paradigm’. On the earth below Mangolians begin to flee their homes in terror as the inter-corporate behemoth of Johnson, Profit and Watson fills the sky; come once more from beyond time to claim the assets taken from them and dominate all market niches and life.

Empowered with administrative forces most fell and ruthlessly managed it seems that this new Terra-Corp will crush all before it, ushering a new dark age of monopolisation and mega-profits. Even combined, the ethically focused forces of Greater Mangolia, the cyborg army of Nova Canada and the Flower-power Gurus of Rainbowland seemed outmatched by the dark powers of Business.

However, as the final takeover maneuvers begin and the vast HQ of JPW starts its descent from the heavens, to seize control of the earth and strip it of all its saleable resources, the black monolith begins to chime; deploying an arsenal of weaponry not seen since before the paradigm-shift. The few survivors recall a large warning tone being emitted before a “partial restriction system release” was announced, shortly followed by a blinding yellow beam of light striking into the centre of JPW Inc.

The expanding firestorm of leveraged Synergy devastated half of Greater Mangolia, turning it into a desolate wasteland of photocopiers, budget-reports and mango coloured biros. However, JPW Inc. had been driven back, its dark bulk retreating into the darkness of space beyond the Oort Cloud. In its umbral boardroom three figures could be seen, one stroking a tiger, seated around a table of utter night, each plotting the company’s next strategic move and occasionally looking suspiciously at each other.

Business Limbo has now become a vibrant, competitive marketplace, where stiff competition results in perpetual innovention and advances in customer care. The invisible hand of the free market ensures that most post-business consumers can choose from a wide array of available post-life options in an ever-evolving marketplace. Gone are the old days of the death-monopoly, now the path to the afterlife is a tunnel of light, covered in advertisements for post-vital services and products. At its end sits two great Lights, one of Dante Inc. and the other of Pyramid Inc. each offering big big savings on purgatory getaways and business-class reincarnation packages offering the best in leg-room and leg-number.

Though JPW Inc. still lurks out there, in the darkness, waiting and watching for a moment of weakness when the earth’s stock slides and a hostile-takeover can be initiated, the new world, in a new paradigm, prospers. Business held in check by ethical standards and rainbows. This new people-oriented paradigm is protected from the ravages of synergy by the suppression of the five-habits and the illegalization of downsizing.

Yet the power of business is not so easy to quench, The Five Habits still linger at the edges of the world. Here, a dissatisfied Canadian seeking to escape the slavery of the Collective and get a small-business loan. There, a renegade Mangolian seeking to emulate his Gods and generate big big savings! Or even members of La Resistance Trois, resisting the resistance and the rise of flower-power. Almost inadvertently they will draw upon the power of business and with a crackle of synergy they will find themselves talking to a glittering golden figure, The Foreign Market Expert, who whispers the secrets of investments and paradigms to them.

Welcome new Fast Track to Success Program inductees. Your road to financial profitability begins today as you join the Company's most prestigious and talent-orientated results leveraging program. Here are some exciting summaries of the careers of some previous Fast Track graduates; titans of business who brought about profits never before seen in the realms of business.

Following the Businopocalypse, the Invasion of Dangeria and the establishment of the Free Nation of Rainbowland, Monkey served as the Protector of Rainbowland, using his mastery of the sixth form of synergy, Flower Power, to fulfil the needs of all the citizens of without the need for business. A three-way treaty of non-aggression and friendliness was signed between Rainbowland, Nova Canada and the Greater Mangolia (at least as far as resistance agitators would allow) to ensure their survival in the fresh new world.

Eventually, after a very long time, Monkey decided to ascend to a higher plane of rainbow-related existence to spread happiness and joy, leaving Rainbowland in the care of his most trusted and friendly disciples.

Blamed for the destruction of the entire publishing operation at the Company, including a First Edition of The Highly Effective Habits, the treacherous Executive Director Killasandra Morgan surprisingly reappeared as the CEO of DOG. Under her direction DOG rearranged itself into a fresh and ethical company that continues to flourish in the new reality. Founded on a grand historical record, it continues to produce a well-regarded line of romance novels and other literary works targeted at the Mangolian market from its hidden base of operations.

Bernard is often referred to the Founding Accountant of the New World, having had a hand in initiating the ethical accounting systems used by many in the new world, including a “good of society” figure below the bottom line in addition to a financial one. Shortly thereafter, history lost track of Bernard, and many stories and rumours arose as to what became of him.

Perhaps one of the strangest, but oddly believable rumours is that he became the mythical Raven, leader of the New Resistance, taking over from the dreadfully ineffective Dana Storm who it is believed perished in the Shift.

Shortly after the Paradigm Shift, a gleaming neon star departed the heavens above the ravaged planet as Space Tokyo blasted off again, its crew of scientists, refugees and monsters abandoning the world of their birth to travel the cosmos under the orders of Space Baron Aegis von Eisenhower. The city’s hydrosynergylectrical power plant provided limitless power as generations of intrepid explorers roamed the stars, unbeknownst to those they left behind, discovering (and founding) new life and new civilizations, re-engineering their own bodies and maintaining mango stockpiles at all times.

Boldly going forwards and never going back, the Tokyoites never knew of the destruction wrought upon their work by the lone horseman Environmental Activism, the being formerly known as Sven Artosis.

Denied a spot on Consultia Inc’s elite 4-man consultation team until he had proved his mettle, Sven Artosis negotiated a contract to work freelance in extraterrerstrial markets. Under the nom d’Apocalypse “Environmental Activism”, Artosis grabbed his leather spacesuit and blue and purple poncho and took to the spaceways on his wind turbine / moustache themed hoverbike, following a few decades behind Space Tokyo. Descending upon the colonies seeded by the city, he brought his own brand of Paradigm Shift upon the nascent business-worlds, raining unnecessarily widespread destruction upon the colonists with his six-shooters (engraved “For the Earth” and “You Monsters”) in the name of the planets’ native flora and fauna.

Just as that of Eisenhauer, Brad Collins is a name that will forever ring down through Canadian history. One of the founder members, it is unclear if he ever took the implant and joined the collectiveness, but regardless it is clear he was instrumental in founding Nova Canada and forging its alliances with Greater Mangolia and Rainbowland.

Known for taking a proactive stance on the destruction of all knowledge concerning the five habits, he is said to be responsible for convincing the consciousness to delete all knowledge thereof and forbid future reacquisition.

In his later days, Brad Collins ran an effective force of international business regulation, successfully responding to many corporate incursions from of extra-terrestrial and extra-planar nature over the years.

With the company buildings gone, John noted a lack of maintenance jobs being raised and decided to explore new avenues of opportunity. He joined Sally on her travels through dimensions. Eventually he developed an interest in Science! and studied just enough to be able to understand Sallys long jargon filled 'explanations' for the experiments they were doing with shapeshifting.

The shapeshifting was an interesting development, Sally somehow managed to manipulate their DNA so that their respective types of lycanthropy became utter control over their physical forms, that they could become anything they wished, be it elephant, wolf, or ravenous bugblatterbeast. This of course led to some serious games of Hide and Seek, some lasting more than a week as Sally added new forms to her repertoire without telling John. Despite his foray into the world of Science! John never did manage to quell his love of tools and several worlds found themselves missing their latest Technological revelation as the he passed through.

And so life went on, the pair of them drifting through worlds, taking notes and trying to replicate them under laboratory conditions. The Scientist and her Assistant, beings of many faces, Creators of Worlds.

The Entity known as Greg Lucas continues to float through the skies of the new world, revered as a God of Productivity by his Mangolian worshippers. Through his endless work in reimagineering pre-shift intellectual properties he drives a forward looking paradigm in moralistic and entertaining productivity-oriented knowledge transfer partnerships and the promotion of business concepts in counterpoint to the downward slope of communist-based negative equity.

Science! F. Despair spends the remainder of his days building better mechs with new and unusual weapons and defence systems; experimenting with the properties and capabilities of synergy and its derivatives and trying to find new ways to create and to destroy; and product testing whatever he designs by sending his creations to fight in wars of his own orchestration.

The continued survival and growth of science is ensured by freely distributing plans of his creations and the science behind them throughout the known universe and beyond, so that everyone, regardless of race, creed or threshold of mental stability, has an equal access to weapons of awesome destructive might.

Oh, and there's clones running around.

Long live Science!

Mr Watson was one of the core management team that spun out JPW inc. using seized company monetary and biological assets. Needless to say Mr Watson was drawn into the complicated legal wranglings with Kthulhu, Kthulhu and Goldberg and in the darkness of blackest pit of void, where the hearings took place, could often be seen with his feet up on the courts benches reading a magazine or sleeping while points of contract law raged about him.

When JPW Inc. emerged back from the outer-realms of corporate oblivion a decade later, Mr Watson was one of those who sat within its dark obsidian office and directed the attempted hostile takeover over earth. From his shadowy offices emerged pictures of adorable cats doing things the human mind was never meant to comprehend. From the sky they fell in their multitudes as productivity on the world below plummeted as the minds of men and mango alike were ravaged by the feline firestorm. Many were procrastinated into an endless sleep filled with twisted cat imagery and there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth. When at last JPW Inc. was driven back into the dark nether regions of space Mr Watson could be seen, wearing a large hat with CEO written on it, high atop JPW’s HQ and shouting “I’ll be back!”.

From the Eight Stanza of the Corporonomicon

…and it is said that among the most terrible and laziest of those that are called ‘The Fast-Track Members' is that which is named Watson…

…that is not productive which can eternally be in a meeting. And with pointless project-update seminars even deadlines may die….

Mr Brannigan reign as supreme executive office of Mangolia brought about an era of peace and prosperity as the Company was reshaped into an eco-friendly service provider, driven by its new motto “Don’t be Evil or be Eaten by a Dragon”. His policies of ethical investment, synergy-eradication and dragon maulings put the Company back on the road to recovery. Of course profits were never quite the same as they had been in the days of rampant expansionism, profiteering and fast-track leveraged downsizing. However, staff and customer satisfaction indicators were never higher and some forty years after the paradigm-shift the Company was finally declared both carbon and morally neutral, a first for any mega-corporation.

Throwing his weight and years experience into a joint venture, JPW Inc., with Mr Watson and Mr Profit, Mr B. Johnson ascended into the heavens aboard the Eden Program’s rocket with a workforce of Ms. Smiths and Mr Johnsons with which to wash over the earth in a wave of revenue-maximising profiteering. The operational roll-out was only halted with the intervention of Kthulhu, Kthulhu & Goldberg who drew JPW Inc. into a legal battle far outside the realms of space and time. When all was said and done KKG were forced to concede defeat and pay costs unheard of since the case of Glorblax Eater of Worlds Vs. The Forces of Good. With this massive injection of cash JPW Inc. became an extradimensional corporate behemoth and it was not long till it set it sights on earth. Unfortunately even the Terra-Corp, ruled by its triumvirate of CEO’s, was unprepared for what they found on earth. Socialism had ravaged its once pristine markets leaving it a verdant wasteland of ethical investment funds and green startups, where financial transaction taxes were used to fund welfare programmes and care for the sick. Repelled by this synergy-averse market…and an enormous superweapon…JPW Ltd. withdrew to the darkness beyond the stars, expanding its portfolio outwards, leveraging extraterrestrial assets into a galaxy spanning monopoly.

Profit-Warning Originating from the edge of known Market-Space

“…It came at night…in the sky, a business from the heavens…

…how could we have known that our investments were being watched keenly and closely by managerial-intelligences greater than our own…

…Its coming, a figure, half of seething black. Questionnaires…can we rationalize our existence…

Oh gods! My Pension!”

Mr A Johnson was a key witness in the case of Kthulhu, Kthulhu & Goldberg vs. the company directors responsible for the acquisition of The Company’s stock-holding. The case was a long and complex and was successfully passed to higher-dimensional courts until in the 37th dimension, where time is actually money, the company’s assets were finally awarded in majority to Mr Profit. However, shortly before the seized assets could be returned to Mr Profit a legal team from the FCB launched a last ditch super-injunction against Mr Profit and a choir of celestial lawyers were able to abscond with around 20% of the company’s auric assets. Market experts predicted this capital injection would be more than enough to bailout the FCB and once again propel it to financial dominance.

From Steve Alighieri’s 10 Divine Tips to Get Rich Quick

“…and I passed into the final sphere and most glorious was it. With spires of gold and white all aglow with light, and an 18-hole executive golf-course sitting betwixt the clouds, with greens most tended. Into that exalted foyer I passed and saw a great line of executive clients stretching up into the mightiest of spires and there I beheld a golden figure, all arrayed in majesty and bling upon a throne whose four legs bestrode markets most diverse. The Foreign Market Expert. In splendor the figure consulted with his clients, a source of management wisdom I never thought to behold and in turn I was brought before him and was told to revitalise my core-strategic philosophy with a market-reorienting, synergy maximising efficiency drive focused on the use of high-turnover external consultants to reap profits most mega. So I passed from that brilliant land with joy in my heart and a 63% return on my investment.”

It is said that beyond the veil of death, where every investor must be parted from their portfolios and where pensions may not tread there sits upon a black throne within a sombre boardroom the CEO of Dante Inc. A god who pulled himself up from the bottom and with wise investments and sound business strategy revolutionised the moribund morbid marketplace. Of course even the most puissant business deity relies upon a competent and results focused team behind them and Mr Camber is no exception and many who have passed into his bleak realm have noticed the second figure, sitting at a desk beside the throne, who takes Mr Camber's calls and arranges his calendar, and who is ever ready with a silver sword in one hand and a warm brain in the other.

From Legends of the Death Gods! Now in Colour!

They gather outside the office, business ninja’s keen to close the deal swiftly with Mr. Camber. The first approaches, forms in hand, but she sends him flying in a whirl of paper cuts. The second draws a sharp looking paperknife which she deftly deflects. The third seeks to confuse her with an avalanche of envelopes but she sees a tell-tale weight in one and ducks out of the way, as the intern draws forth a staple gun and fires. She concludes her business with them swiftly and satisfactorily.

The door opens…

“Trouble Miss Peel?”

“No Sir, no trouble at all.”

She spiralled in figures and numbers, transactions as nerves while flying on spreadsheet wings. The Canadian start ups looked rather sickly but the Great Wall ™ stood strong and rental rates were very good on turtle island. Yiggdrasil’s adverts flickered neon bright but ‘charitable enterprises’ featured far too heavily. Her sigh was all discarded rebates and tax returns as she headed back towards Dante Inc. Headquarters. The pineapple market was in decline however, and Mangolian uptake of soul contracts (10 reincarnations for an all new low inclusive price) was on the up. Perhaps things weren’t looking that bad after all.