Turn 3 Projects

Project New Moon

Initiator: REDACTED
Supervisor: Dr. Universe Smith
Serial Number: 33bba7dfdb3d6f3fac3c4ad990ca7dd9
Project Goal: Replace the moon.

Project Description

The recent loss of the moon is cutting into profit margins from the Company's tidal generators and other related industries. We believe it would be a profitable gesture of goodwill (and conducive to the continuation of life on the face of our planet) to rebuild or replace it on our own terms. Remember, we need to keep the budget low at all costs.

Project Osmosis

Initiator: Ada Ferrarri
Supervisor: Ada Ferrarri
Serial Number: A1
Project Goal: Drain the Mediterranean Sea.

Project Description

There is a very large volume of water obscuring prime real estate. The land could be used for farming, mining, and housing; and we stand to make a lot of money if we can get to it. Drain the Mediterranean Sea so we can start capitalising on this prime Real Estate.

Project Panopticon

Initiator: D. D'Vere
Supervisor: REDACTED
Serial Number: ———–0-0———–
Project Goal: Monitor all employees all of the time

Project Description

Anti-corporate sentiment is still a threat and though the Company assures employees that there are NOT cells of a terrorist organisation operating within company HQ, we wish all employees to feel safe at all times. Because we care. As such the company requires a new and wide-ranging employee monitoring methodology to determine the location and productivity of all company employees at all times. Once again we stress that this is for your own safety and not an attempt to root-out dissenters.

Project Action Janitor

Initiator: Manitoba Saskatchewan
Supervisor: Carol Kelly
Serial Number: 1242c512994c9ee6311d1e8ceb7eba99
Project Goal: Hunt the murderous toilet on sub-basement 7.

Project Description

Reports are coming in that the murderous toilet on sub-basement 7 is no mere janitorial myth: a grievously wounded plumber escaped its twisted metal grasp and confirmed that it seems to be hunting people with specific skills to drag back to its lair for unknown and likely awful reasons. Facilities have decided that this cannot go on any longer: hunt and slay the killer toilet of sub-basement 7!

Project It could be Better

Initiator: David Shark LL. B.
Supervisor: Redacted
Serial Number: c90454f6b4e1f94fbaec259ee59a45db
Project Goal: Prevent the company from making any kind of loss from Newer, Better Water™

Project Description

Newer, Better Water™ is a fantastic product. In pretty much every way, it has that other plain, old water beat - except for the ways it reacts with dolphins. Various animal rights activists are not happy with this, and are threatening us with lawsuits in the courts of the District of Columbia. Prevent the company from taking a hit on this.

Project Our Company is Fantastic

Initiator: Jake Bloom
Supervisor: Redacted
Serial Number: 24be54a6
Project Goal: Make a documentary/film about the company and its greatness

Project Description

It's about time the company reminded the public yet again of how great it is and its long, proud history of generating synergy. We need some way to show the consumers of the world just how much the Company loves them and just how much better their lives are because of the Company's existent. By whatever method, make us look sympathetic, caring and fantastic.

Project Soup

Initiator: Redacted
Supervisor: Redacted
Serial Number: das1651f231aq6
Project Goal: Make sure our Save the Turtles Foundation does not lose its charity status

Project Description

The Company Save the Turtles Foundation, founded in FY12, currently enjoys a non-taxable D-12 charity status, allowing us to funnel billions of tax-free dollars through it. Unfortunately and completely coincidentally, the last turtle died in FY14 shortly after the introduction of Company-brand Canned Turtle Soup (made with all-natural ingredients!). Authorities are trying to use the fact that the Foundation has been inactive for 60 years to remove its tax-exempt charity status. Prevent this.

Project Freecycle

Initiator: Redacted
Supervisor: Lord Bernard Hiss
Serial Number: fbd083c7bb76917b1a98e1e104e76594
Project Goal: We have too much fire. Do something.

Project Description

The company's Fire-in-a-Can™ has not sold well. All this excess fire is surplus to company requirements. Recycle it into something productive and profitable.

Project Name Here

Initiator: Name here
Supervisor: Name here
Serial Number: #######
Project Goal: Project goal here


Project Fire Sale

Initiator: REDACTED
Supervisor: REDACTED
Serial Number: 284SELLSELLSELL809
Project Goal: Acquire Global Dynamics Corp.

Project Description

Global Dynamics Corp. has some of the worlds best staff, best equipment and most valuable assets. Conveniently their stock price is now at an all time low making them vulnerable to a well coordinated hostile takeover. Acquire Global Dynamics for the Company, strip its assets and repurpose them for Company usage. Do whatever it takes to make this deal go through.

project3.txt · Last modified: 2012/05/08 22:16 by gm_fabio
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