Projects Turn 2

Initiator: Prof. Dr. Dr.
Supervisor: Redacted
Serial Number: 8008NOBO3ZETA
Project Goal: Make a Better Monkey

Regular monkeys are no longer intelligent enough for modern cosmetic testing regimes. Create some super-intelligent monkeys to increase throughput in our perfume and shampoo divisions. If you can make the monkeys more attractive even better.

Initiator: Redacted
Supervisor: Redacted
Serial Number: 125578142
Project Goal: Uncover the traitor on the Board

One of my fellow board members is a traitor, I'm sure of it. I think they've been selling secrets to one of our competitors, or maybe subverting our operations from within. Find out who it is so they can be removed from the Board. We need answers fast!

Initiator: Manitoba Saskatchewan
Supervisor: Redacted
Serial Number: ec54f51e04f5f5ba418e26adaa05e5e4
Project Goal: Make the people of Utopiaville happy again

Suicide rates in our experimental 'Utopiaville' planned city are 86% and rising. This is an unacceptable figure for somewhere which is supposed to exemplify the best of what the company can offer - find out why the citizens are all so bloody miserable and do something about it.

Initiator: D. D'Vere
Supervisor: M. Brandt
Serial Number: TTTTT9X
Project Goal: Fix the dental plan

The company Dental Plan is costing the Company too much annually and is an administrative nightmare since employees insist on having multiple teeth. Dentists are expensive. Either slash the cost of the scheme or find a way make real money out of those teeth!

Initiator: Redacted
Supervisor: Redacted
Serial Number: 4679794813813115479326859358cd09
Project Goal: Dispose of excess killbots.

Following a recently cancelled order, we have 10,000 excess Terminator 3001 “security” bots in non-urban configuration. Those responsible for signing a contract with such awful cancellation clauses have been sideways promoted from the 53rd floor.

Find a profit maximizing solution to this excess supply.

Initiator: Manitoba Saskatchewan
Supervisor: Lord Bernard Hiss
Serial Number: dc1596aa6383ff9e83bb78dbd19c7874
Project Goal: Fix the flooding

The pipes are leaking in the lower sub-basements of Facilities to an unacceptable extent, leaving several areas completely submerged. Uncover the source of the leak and fix it.

Initiator: Jake Bloom
Supervisor: Gina Star
Serial Number: 9439d1876bc86e86fb6c3d085355a078
Project Goal: Recruit corporate entertainers to promote the company.

Company inspectors recently noted that there are a several a capella groups springing up. The company feels that their energy could be better spent singing catchy company jingles. Recruit a variety of entertainers to promote the company to a larger audience. If possible get a No. 1 selling album out of it.

Initiator: Redacted
Supervisor: Redacted
Serial Number: Stack Overflow Error
Project Goal: Acquire Italy, a Leonov Group Subsidiary

Italy, a Leonov Group Subsidiary, is currently a Leonov Group subsidiary. Its prime geographic location in the Mediterranean means it is the key to controlling several as yet unpenetrated markets. We need to do everything in our power to acquire it, or at the very least prevent the Leonov Group from maintaining control of it.

Initiator: Redacted
Supervisor: M. Brandt
Serial Number: 271e59406f5f7ff6d3dfa7b7fa075bef
Project Goal: Fix the company's taxes

The Company's tax bill has risen by $0.19, placing it above Company-mandated upper bounds and threatening to destabilize our ancient and circuitous tax avoidance mechanisms. Trace the source of the change and reverse it, fast.

Initiator: Ada Ferrari
Supervisor: Lord Bernard Hiss
Serial Number: 0edb66e651efceeb50f76336226cdfe4
Project Goal: Find and stop the slimy R&D monstrosity

As of late, certain employees (who shall remain nameless) have neglected the cleaning of some R&D labs. Various chemicals lazily left lying around, combined with smaller life forms has created a something. We have yet to get clear footage, but this something is leaving slime trails and chewing the power cables. Its presence is not conducive to productivity. Find it and stop it.

Initiator: Patrick
Supervisor: Redacted
Serial Number: 3a5496b50ecffc8943b58c83579adc8a
Project Goal: Halt the movement of Germany 2

Germany 2 is currently docked at a company-owned port. If we can keep them there for a week we can charge them exorbitant mooring fees - make it happen!

Initiator: Redacted
Supervisor: Dr. Universe Smith
Serial Number: 5b2497276ed29573e8294e26757a581d
Project Goal: Build a Doomsday Device

His Royal Majesty Emperor Claude Le Strode XI of Quebec has issued a decree demanding that the companies of the world compete to provide him with a doomsday border defence device greater and more innovative than all those he already owns put together. Mjölnir Heavy Industries and the Red Star Trading Consortium have already indicated their interest.