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legalacquisitions [2012/03/25 22:42] (current)
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 +====== Legal and Acquisitions ======
 +===== Overview =====
 +Whenever the Company requires something or someone who they do not already own, the Legal and Acquisitions Department makes it happen. The department is also responsible for protecting the company from similar action by its competitors.
 +
 +===== The Role of Legal and Acquisitions =====
 +Legal and Acquisitions enacts The Company's Will in the outside world. Whether this is manipulating the regulatory environment, asset stripping a competitor or a full out Hostile takeover, L&A will be leading the charge.
 +
 +There are two major professions within the department: Legal Associates and Procurement Professionals.
 +In the modern civilized world, violence cannot be condoned, and all disputes between corporate entities are publicly handled in court. As such all companies live and die by the effectiveness of their legal departments. And we employ only the best.
 +
 +Any suggestion that the large number of procurement professionals with a special operations background has anything to do with corporate espionage against our competitors is clearly ridiculous. Any employee found repeating such rumours will be terminated on the spot.
 +
 +Further, recent memos remind employees that internal disputes between departments are a waste of company resources, and actions such as the recent gun battle between certain members of Acquisitions and the Facilities Security Team over responsibility for securing the the executive dining room will NOT be tolerated.
 +
 +===== L+A+U? =====
 +You are instructed to go and make that man's goods ours. If you actually attempt to buy them you're not L&A material.
 +
 +When this test was conducted as part of a promotion panel in L&A two candidates really stood out. The first brought the material back the following day. It turned out later that the guy's body turned up at the site of a local gang feud. The second candidate redefined the ownership of the items and filed a legal suit to have them returned to their rightful owner, netting a large profit in legal fees, and the promotion, as a bonus.
 +
 +==== Job Requirements ====
 +The Legal Associates Section values those skilled in Auditing and Networking to assure compliance of relevant legislation.
 +
 +The Procurement Professionals Section values those skilled in Leadership, Sabotage and keeping their mouths shut. Ability to make others' mouths open a distinct advantage.
 +
 +Legal and Acquisitions always has an open recuiting brief for gurus of [[prerogative_execution|Prerogative Execution]].
 +
 +===== Meet the Directors =====
 +
 +==== David Shark LL. B. ====
 +David "The Ripper" Shark has been director of L&A since its formation in the last great restructuring, and has worked for the company for as long as anyone can remember. A grizzled veteran of corporate combat there is little that gets past him. Rumoured to be a master knife fighter, Shark is more than capable of gutting (metaphorically) anyone who suggests he may be getting old and past it. His mere presence simultaneously inspires fear and admiration in his underlings, justified by the pile of decaying careers lying around the feet of his throne, from which he oversees the legal library during times of War.
 +
 +==== Bob-the-Feasibility-Study-Guy ====
 +Bob is an easy going and pleasant enough Guy who leads the Legal Associates Section of L&A. Noone really knows how he got the job, but his answer to everything is to suggest a feasibility study. This overly cautious approach appears to have been successful so far, but few people entertain the notion that he could challenge Shark for leadership of the department.
 +
 +==== Germaine de Capitation ====
 +Germaine is a real piece of work. Rescued from a orphanage in Botswana as part of tax-deducatable charitable work by the company, Germaine was raised by the Company as part of a R&D project. She is reputed to have no flinch reflex, morals or pain threshold. Her take no prisoners (except profitable ones) attitude has resulted in a meteoric rise to head of the Procurement Professionals Section.
 +
 +One common topic of discussion is who would win in a fair fight between de Capitation and Shark. Another topic of discussion is whether either knows the meaning of the word "fair".
legalacquisitions.txt · Last modified: 2012/03/25 22:42 by gm_oliver
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