http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/ 2021-06-04T23:24:57+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/ http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/lib/images/favicon.ico text/html 2012-04-02T12:51:54+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/5habits?rev=1333371114&do=diff The History of Business Magic Seventy years ago a wandering business guru emerged from an exploration of the darkest depths of the financial world and with him he brought a book. A book he claimed revealed the secrets of “Success! Or your money back!” recovered from the managers of the times of legend. The tome was called The Five Habits of Highly Effective People and revolutionised the corporate world. The mysterious habits allowed their practitioners to harness the mystical power of Synergy, … text/html 2012-04-02T21:43:45+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/charactercreation?rev=1333403025&do=diff Greetings, employee. If you can see this page, then it means you are a graduate of the Company's prestigious Fast Track to Success Program and are about to begin your new job at the Company. All we need from you now is for you to submit your CV to HR. This should consist of a few key facts about your background, skills and qualifications. text/html 2012-06-07T15:45:10+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/characters?rev=1339083910&do=diff Company Fast Track to Success Program Graduates (PCs) Legal & Acquisitions A. Johnson (Joe W.) - Procurement Facilitation Manager Mr. A Johnson is responsible for the assembly and dispatch of teams of Temporary Procurement Consultants, reducing the burden on the department's full time Procurement Professionals.  He used to be in HR but took a departmental transfer after a disgruntled contractor vandalised his office with a misappropriated Airborne Security Drone. He should not be confused w… text/html 2012-04-02T16:47:38+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/company?rev=1333385258&do=diff History Much of the company's history is shrouded in secrecy, with almost all relevant records either having been relabeled “trade secrets”, sold to other companies or misplaced in a filing cabinet somewhere within the company's archive. What is known is that the Company has been a world leader in the production, manifestation and globalisation of business for the past thirty years. Now it is one of the most powerful mega-corporations in existence with a market capitalisation in excess of “NUM… text/html 2012-05-08T22:17:21+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/competition?rev=1336515441&do=diff As Sun Tzu wrote in the Art of Business, “If you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred corporate takeovers.” It is therefore advantageous to the company that every employee be familiar with the other megacorporations that we compete with for market share and profit maximisation. text/html 2012-07-01T13:30:15+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/contents?rev=1341149415&do=diff * Welcome to the Corporate Intranet * The World * The Competition * The Company * Company Ethics and Employee Happiness * Corrupted Page; DO NOT READ * The Post-Shift World ---------- * Corporate Newsletter * Projects * Personnel text/html 2012-04-02T21:43:12+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/corrupted?rev=1333402992&do=diff Dear Employee, It appears you're trying to access a corrupted page. Perhaps you were looking for information on one of the following: * Company History * Current Events * Personnel Directory If you were attempting to uncover information about the resistance, please desist immediately. No such organisation exists. Repeated attempts to access corrupted portions of the company intranet in order to uncover information about a non-existent organisation of individuals bent on the destructio… text/html 2012-04-02T21:52:05+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/create?rev=1333403525&do=diff Nothing has ever been more harmful to product development time-lines than the laws of physics; a complex regulatory regime instigated by the universe. Createalytics is able to focus the power of synergy to realign these laws with corporate strategy making them much more amenable to research teams attempting to monetarise science! text/html 2012-03-26T09:14:24+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/departments?rev=1332753264&do=diff Through diligent streamlining and efficiency maximisation, the company has reduced all employee roles to fit within one of five departments. Legal & Acquisitions Legal & Acquisitions forms the company's offensive and defensive arms. When a new startup attempts to cut into our market share, sharks from acquisitions are quick to bring them into the fold. When regulators attempt to police the free market, our legal experts are there to find an exploitable loophole so that we may continue to be a… text/html 2012-04-25T13:24:23+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/email?rev=1335360263&do=diff Mailing List For general updates from the GM team about the game, please make sure you are signed on to the society game mailing list: rpgsocs. You can find details on signing up to the list here: <http://users.ox.ac.uk/~rpgsoc/maillists.htm> Mass Memo Restrictions Employees are restricted to sending mass memos within their own department to reduce congestion in the Company tube network. Sending mass memos to other departments will result in severe disciplinary proceedings. text/html 2012-07-03T17:27:58+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/eternity?rev=1341336478&do=diff The New Paradigm As the first new-paradigm Corporation meeting concludes, the The Eden Programme roars out of the atmosphere towing a cubic mile of gold having been acquired by the team of B. Johnson, Drake Watson and Max Profit. Rising into the night sky it seems as if the the ship will escape back into the post-mesophere market, as its dark shadow eclipses the still cooling moon. That is, until there is a terrible ripping in the fabric of reality and the titanic, besuited form of the asset s… text/html 2012-03-26T08:29:44+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/ethics?rev=1332750584&do=diff Ethics and Conduct in the Workplace In the dark days after the initial publication of the Five Habits of Highly Effective People, the megacorporations used ruthless tactics to rise to power and were widely accused of being amoral and anti-human. To combat this perception and to cut-down on the need to constantly refill posts vacated by aggressive trading and corporate headhunting, the megacorporations introduced a strict code of conduct for their employees to ensure a healthy, happy and surviva… text/html 2012-03-25T22:42:29+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/facilities?rev=1332715349&do=diff Overview “Facilities? Who?” - an anonymous trainee, not long for this company Invisible and omnipresent, the facilities department is typically sneered at by those who have not been educated in its ways - either by spending time mopping the labyrinthine corridors of Company HQ themselves, or by pushing the woman who restocks the vending machines just a little too far and finding out exactly what happens if your office is never, ever cleaned. In truth they are one of the most well-connected and… text/html 2012-07-03T17:11:31+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/ficend?rev=1341335491&do=diff Even Elephant Girls Get the Blues Sally quietly came back to the Company gathering and stripped off her lab coat. There was no point to science now that Dr Bruce would never know how far she’d come. She looked at the lovely prelapsarian paradise, and the people who were ready to lapse it, and decided that was it. She said goodbye to Killa, who was sympathetic but who offered her a job, missing the point, and then went to say goodbye to John. text/html 2012-04-02T23:14:05+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/hr?rev=1333408445&do=diff Overview The most feared of the departments, at least by members of the other departments: Finance & Human Resources. Housed in the towering black spire of Building 6 of corporate headquarters, all promotions, demotions, and pay-rises go through F&HR, giving them huge influence on employees prospects, professional development, and life-expectancy. Many a working-group has been ravaged by H&R as they seek to generate synergy by downsizing: its employees reassigned to mysterious sub-departments o… text/html 2012-03-25T22:42:23+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/legalacquisitions?rev=1332715343&do=diff Overview Whenever the Company requires something or someone who they do not already own, the Legal and Acquisitions Department makes it happen. The department is also responsible for protecting the company from similar action by its competitors. The Role of Legal and Acquisitions Legal and Acquisitions enacts The Company's Will in the outside world. Whether this is manipulating the regulatory environment, asset stripping a competitor or a full out Hostile takeover, L&A will be leading the cha… text/html 2012-06-12T10:11:29+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/management?rev=1339495889&do=diff Management and You Your place in the management hierarchy represents your influence in the company, such as your ability to obtain resources and direct other people to perform tasks for you. As a regular member of our valued staff you will not have any ability to direct other members of staff unless delegated to by upper management. Should you excel at your job, as we are sure you will, you will rise up the management chain, leveraging your skills for success! As you are promoted, your responsi… text/html 2012-04-02T19:38:22+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/news?rev=1333395502&do=diff The Corporate Newsletter is a quarterly summary of company activity, project results, and relevant press articles from around the world. The Company Newsletter Editing Committee publishes it every fiscal quarter to coincide with board meetings and company social events. text/html 2012-04-23T20:14:59+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/news_turn0?rev=1335212099&do=diff CPNY: -8.74% 15,012; DOG: +2.35% 3,547; GDC: +0.05% 9,997; IFX -0.2% 1,554; LVG +0.12% 1,874; MHI -0.01% 3,548; NIX +0.97% 5,748; OBS +0.45% 4,149; OGL +0.12% 8,444; RST +1.30% 15,888; TMK +9.78% 3,125 Welcome! New Company Fast Track to Success Program Inductees The Company Fast Track to Success Program is a timeless monument to corporate triumph. It represents a transcendental milestone in the training and leveraging of exceptional human resources to achieve pre-implemented corporate goals… text/html 2012-05-01T12:37:12+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/news_turn1?rev=1335875832&do=diff CPNY: +2.91% 16,012; DOG: +0.01% 3,548; GDC: -10.05% 8,997; IFX -0.2% 1,554; LVG +0.12% 1,874; MHI -0.01% 3,548; NIX +0.97% 5,748; OBS +8.45% 5,149; OGL +0.12% 8,444; RST +1.30% 15,888; TMK +3.41% 3,333 Employees of the Month The Company would like to officially congratulate the three employees of the month for the last fiscal quarter. They are a shining beacon of corporate achievement and a model for all other employees. Their pictures will be hung on the wall of glory in the cafeteria and… text/html 2012-05-08T12:56:03+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/news_turn2?rev=1336481763&do=diff CPNY: +10.31% 17,662; DOG: +0.01% 3,548; GDC: -63.29% 6,001; IFX -15.3% 1,316; LVG +2.78% 1,822; MHI +13.4% 4,023; NIX +5.44% 6,060; OBS -43.00% 2,008; OGL +12.0% 9,457; RST +13.90% 18,096; TMK +6.66% 3,555 Employees of the Month The Company would like to officially congratulate the three employees of the month for the last fiscal quarter. They are a shining beacon of corporate achievement and a model for all other employees. Their pictures will be hung on the wall of glory in the cafeteria… text/html 2012-05-15T15:06:32+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/news_turn3?rev=1337094392&do=diff CPNY: +30.5% 23,049; DOG: -0.01% 3,548; IFX +0.07% 1,317; LVG -1.25% 1,799; MHI +0.00% 4,023; NIX -75.4% 1,491; OBS -0.02% 2,008; OGL +0.03% 9,460; RST +5.10% 19,019; TMK -0.01% 3,555 Employees of the Month The Company would like to officially congratulate the three employees of the month for the last fiscal quarter. They are a shining beacon of corporate achievement and a model for all other employees. Their pictures will be hung on the wall of glory in the cafeteria and they will each rec… text/html 2012-05-22T16:53:45+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/news_turn4?rev=1337705625&do=diff CPNY: -1.3% 21,049; DOG: -4.39% 3,101; IFX +8.43% 2,317; LVG -1.25% 1,799; MHI +0.00% 4,023; NIX -75.4% 1,491; OBS +5.90% 2,888; OGL +0.03% 9,460; RST +5.10% 19,019; TMK -0.34% 3,575 Employees of the Month The Company would like to officially congratulate the three employees of the month for the last fiscal quarter. They are a shining beacon of corporate achievement and a model for all other employees. Their pictures will be hung on the wall of glory in the cafeteria and they will each recei… text/html 2012-05-29T15:25:50+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/news_turn5?rev=1338305150&do=diff CPNY: -20.3% 19,048; DOG: +1.23% 3,781; MHI +0.00% 4,023; NIX -75.4% 1,491; 9,460; RST +5.10% 19,019; TMK -0.34% 3,575, MONO -67.05% 15,987 Employees of the Month The Company would like to officially congratulate the three employees of the month for the last fiscal quarter. They are a shining beacon of corporate achievement and a model for all other employees. Their pictures will be hung on the wall of glory in the cafeteria and they will each receive a complementary 'Spife - The Multi-purpo… text/html 2012-06-05T15:13:26+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/news_turn6?rev=1338909206&do=diff CPNY: +6.93% 19,048; DOG: -100.00% 0; MHI +7.00% 4,0883; NIX +5.4% 1,591; 9,460; RST +5.10% 19,019; TMK -0.34% 3,575, MONO -3.05% 15,097 Employees of the Month The Company would like to congratulate the following employees for leveraging ground-breaking levels of multi-dimensional Success! in a challenging market. Their pictures will be hung on the brand new wall of dominion in the new company tower and they will each receive a life-time supply of Homeopathic Concrete™ and a unit of synergy… text/html 2012-06-12T17:40:05+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/news_turn7?rev=1339522805&do=diff CPNY: -99% 3; DOG: +∞% 1; MHI -100% 0; NIX -100% 0; RST -100% 0; TMK -100% 0, MONO -100% 0 Employees of the Month The Company would like to congratulate the following employees for life-preserving Success! in the face of certain doom. Their pictures will be hung on that rock over there and they'll receive a free Pointed Stick™ - Now 30% better at killing prey than the leading non-pointed brand of stick. text/html 2012-04-02T21:40:20+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/outersourcing?rev=1333402820&do=diff As every master of Human Resources knows, efficiency is always maximised by firing in-house workers and contracting outside forces to do the job of the recently laid off employees. This both improves productivity and keeps employees on their toes by generating a constant background sense of fear for their job security. text/html 2012-05-09T15:55:11+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/prerogative_execution?rev=1336578911&do=diff Prerogative Execution grew out of a combination of martial arts techniques with legal finishing moves. It is the study of achieving a contractually defined goal with minimal effort and maximum likelihood of generating follow-on work. Gurus set out to achieve exactly that which has been requested of them; no more, no less. A True Master will twist the words to inflate his profit, amusement, and the likelihood of future work for the legal profession. Recall the old maxim, and be careful what you … text/html 2012-03-25T22:42:44+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/prms?rev=1332715364&do=diff Overview The PR, Marketing & Sales department is a place of enthusiasm and geniality—some of which is even genuine. They take their duty seriously, but with a smile. If R&D stopped innovating, if Facilities left the offices in ruins, the brave men and women of PR, Marketing & Sales would be there, in the post-business wasteland, flogging bent pins and scraps of ancient paperwork from atop their withered stationary cupboard kiosk. text/html 2012-04-24T21:42:45+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/project1?rev=1335303765&do=diff Project Alien Sapphire Initiator: REDACTED Supervisor: John Smith, PR,M&S Serial Number: afef-43ca-8654-9bf0-ef62-96ee-8285-baea Project Goal: Develop extra-terrestial advertising. Project Description Corporate projections indicate major markets on Earth will be exhausted within the next 20 years. In order to meet growth projections we will need to exploit extra-terrestrial markets, whatever they may be. text/html 2012-05-01T21:29:35+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/project2?rev=1335907775&do=diff Project Cerebral Simian Initiator: Prof. Dr. Dr. Supervisor: Redacted Serial Number: 8008NOBO3ZETA Project Goal: Make a Better Monkey Project Description Regular monkeys are no longer intelligent enough for modern cosmetic testing regimes. Create some super-intelligent monkeys to increase throughput in our perfume and shampoo divisions. If you can make the monkeys more attractive even better. text/html 2012-05-08T22:16:42+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/project3?rev=1336515402&do=diff Project New Moon Initiator: REDACTED Supervisor: Dr. Universe Smith Serial Number: 33bba7dfdb3d6f3fac3c4ad990ca7dd9 Project Goal: Replace the moon. Project Description The recent loss of the moon is cutting into profit margins from the Company's tidal generators and other related industries. We believe it would be a profitable gesture of goodwill (and conducive to the continuation of life on the face of our planet) to rebuild or replace it on our own terms. Remember, we need to keep … text/html 2012-05-15T21:58:49+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/project4?rev=1337119129&do=diff Project Deep Sea Financing Initiator: REDACTED Supervisor: Jake Bloom Serial Number: 7394c62a5e3c8d79cf634d44b58c1aaa Project Goal: Find Atlantis and make profitable discoveries. Project Description A company adventure capitalist experimenting in deep-sea financial opportunities claims she has discovered the lost city of Atlantis on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, and that it is populated by aquatic business folk of a kind heretofore unknown. These represent new and untapped marke… text/html 2012-05-23T20:18:34+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/project5?rev=1337804314&do=diff Project Unite and Conquer Initiator: A. Johnson Supervisor: A. Johnson Serial Number: Johnson-II-alpha Project Goals: Merge all our competitors so we only have one to deal with. Project Description The variety of rival corporations in the marketplace creates consumer confusion, and the Company's undoubted status as Market Leader allows these rivals to benefit from a 'plucky underdog' image. For this reason efforts should be made to encourage our business competitors to merge into a sing… text/html 2012-05-29T22:35:33+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/project6?rev=1338330933&do=diff Project Flaming Parachute Initiator: A. Johnson Supervisor: A. Johnson Serial Number: <9069405-35-68796793> Project Goal: Create a new foreign market department Project Description The Company's penetration of the post vital markets is disappointingly limited. We need an advertising campaign to target those who were made redundant with negative performance reviews, and products suitable for arid working conditions. As a long term business goal we will be looking to establish a perma… text/html 2012-06-05T21:48:50+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/project7?rev=1338932930&do=diff Project Weathering the Storm Initiator: D. Camber Supervisor: D. Camber Serial Number: U53-Y0L1R-8RA11\15 Project Goal: Develop a means of shielding Company assets from an upcoming Paradigm Shift. Project Description An increasingly large body of evidence suggests that a business-world-changing Paradigm Shift could be just around the corner. Find ways of protecting vital personnel, products, blueprints and abstract concepts from the future. Optionally, investigate ways of deflecting… text/html 2012-04-24T21:42:26+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/projects?rev=1335303746&do=diff Each Fiscal Quarter, the company publishes a list of projects and objectives for its employees to dedicate themselves to. These are by-and-large sponsored and initiated by members of the board. The projects for each fiscal quarter are below: * Q3 FY73 * Q4 FY73 * Q1 FY74 * Q2 FY74 * Q3 FY74 * Q4 FY74 * Q1 FY75 * Q2 FY75 text/html 2012-03-30T11:42:44+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/quirks?rev=1333107764&do=diff As part of Company Directive 34-b, Section 3c, under the heading Company Employee Benefit Scheme, you are entitled to one (1) free Positive Qualification (hereafter known as “Perks”) on joining the company, and may have up to four (4) more each of which must be balanced out by one of the Negative Qualifications (hereafter known as “Flaws”). Unless otherwise noted, you may only have one of each Qualification. text/html 2012-03-25T22:42:39+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/randd?rev=1332715359&do=diff Overview Every so often, the company HQ is rocked by what appears to be an earthquake. 89.99997% of the time, this is the result of some new breakthrough in the basement labs of R&D, where an army of labcoated geniuses work tirelessly to ride to wave of innovention to success. Whenever a market niche needs filling or an existing product needs improving, R&D is where to go. text/html 2012-04-02T21:43:26+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/resist?rev=1333403006&do=diff Where did you hear that term, employee? There's no such thing as the resistance. They're not responsible for the recent spate of factory explosions, or the anti-corporate graffitti. They don't hold regular meetings disguised as “poker nights” and “golf retreats”. They're most definitely not a highly-organised network of individuals fighting corporate oppression. As a member of the Resistance, you will not receive regular coded messages with instructions, and you will most definitely not be expec… text/html 2012-04-01T21:19:40+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/samples?rev=1333315180&do=diff Roberta Harris, Production Assistant (PRMS) Core Competencies: * Bureaucracy 3 (Cost: 6) * Procrastination 3 (Cost: 6) Qualifications: * Fall Guy (+) * Gossip (+) * Security Clearance (+) * Accident-Prone (-) * Raised by the Company (-) text/html 2012-04-16T19:50:42+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/session?rev=1334605842&do=diff Fiscal Quarter Events Company social events are held every fiscal quarter and give our employees a chance to interact with their peers and colleagues in a non work-related environment. They are specifically designed to promote interpersonal and interdepartmental cooperation through personal interaction. text/html 2012-04-02T11:00:20+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/skills?rev=1333364420&do=diff The Core Competencies and You There are eight core competencies that the company looks for in potential new hires: Auditing, Bureaucracy, Leadership, Networking, Procrastination, Productivity, Sabotage, and Science. In applying for a position at the company, you should distribute twelve points among the various core competencies, unless you are a Highly Effective Person, in which case you will be hired with six points. Any unspent points may be saved up and redeemed at a later date in exchang… text/html 2012-03-06T18:32:50+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/start?rev=1331058770&do=diff The Company Statement Here at the company, we focus on building a customer-oriented goal-centric approach to decentralized industry by aligning ourselves with a core-investor focused strategic thinking philosophy. Our vision statement reinforces an innovative blue-skies strategy to maximise synergistic integrity and deliver outstanding milestone achieving performance objectives using result driven client facing incentivisation and grass-roots horizon scanning. We strive for long-term network-fo… text/html 2012-04-02T12:11:24+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/turnsheets?rev=1333368684&do=diff Projects Projects are objectives that the Company wishes achieved and expects its employees to find solutions to. Projects normally take the form of a vague goal the company has in mind and employees are expected to use their skills, ingenuity and deviousness to achieve them and maximise profit. Successfully completing projects is the best way to get promoted in the company. Some projects are high-profile and are even more likely to bring recognition from upper management. Employees who come u… text/html 2012-04-02T11:25:12+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/vsm?rev=1333365912&do=diff Value stream mapping was once the secret art of the janitorial staff: one-ness with the Stream carried them effortlessly from building to building in the manner of the flow; a single stroke of a master's mop could wash an entire floor without soaking the executive carpet, such was their mastery of soapy water. text/html 2012-04-02T21:44:49+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/winwin?rev=1333403089&do=diff The PR novice will find out what people want to hear, and tell it to them. True masters, however, know that the secret is to ignore their opinions entirely - and make them want to hear what you want to tell them. Similarly, while it is possible (and, indeed, encouraged) to manipulate people by mundane means, only a Win-Win Guru's tongue is powerful enough to deceive reality itself. text/html 2012-04-03T10:54:51+00:00 http://corporation.chaosdeathfish.com/world?rev=1333450491&do=diff History Seventy years ago, the business world was taken by storm by the appearance of a self-help book. The first people to unlock its secrets gained immense power, and the face of business changed forever. The appearance of the book is now know as Fiscal Year Zero.