Initiator: A. Johnson
Supervisor: A. Johnson
Serial Number: Johnson-II-alpha
Project Goals: Merge all our competitors so we only have one to deal with.
The variety of rival corporations in the marketplace creates consumer confusion, and the Company's undoubted status as Market Leader allows these rivals to benefit from a 'plucky underdog' image. For this reason efforts should be made to encourage our business competitors to merge into a single uber-megacorporation. Further efforts to ensure this merged entity is a bloated, incoherent disaster will also be rewarded.
Initiator: B. Johnson
Supervisor: Johnson
Serial Number: b3092kjhs38xx732dchsg4os75j22fd
Project Goal: Develop and deploy the perfect worker
Recent downsizing initiatives have left HR employees feeling drained and demotivated. Develop or discover a new, better form of employee which can ruthlessly downsize thousands of its fellow employees for hours without tiring, missing, or suffering from unproductive moral qualms.
Initiator: M.Profit
Supervisor: M.Profit
Serial Number: GL0B4L
Goal: Expand the company's most successful products into stubborn markets
Despite the company's premier portfolio of grade A products, their still exist stubborn markets such as Quebec where the citizens suffer without access to vital goods such as the CompShave® moustache enhancement solution or a cup of Happy Bean® coffee with which to start their morning. I want company products in every home in the world, and company outlets expanded to exist in every single city - even the ones that don't know they want it yet. Find a way to make it happen!
Initiator: Jake Bloom
Supervisor: Jake Bloom
Serial Number: 1aab23051b24582c5dc8e23fc595d505
Project Goals: Party down!
Party! Party! Party!
Initiator: Greg Lucas jnr III
Supervisor: Greg Lucas jnr III
Serial Number: 7394c62a5ejfjal99jkjk24kk2k
Project Goal: Take control of the killbots and repurpose them for profit
Killbots are both a major potential customer base and a source of employees. Develop a way of remotely reprogramming killbots so that we can turn them into the perfect customers and employees. Loyal lab assistants who don't need to worry about the odd acid spill or wave after wave of unstoppable salesbots.
Initiator: REDACTED
Supervisor: REDACTED
Serial Number: ++H++++++U++++++G++++++S++
Project Goal: Increase consumer happiness
Recent Company projects, that have resulted in unprecedented levels of Success!, have also taken a severe toll on the number of consumers due to unforeseen collateral damage and asset devastation. Consumer despair is at all all time high and this has reduced spending on a wide variety of product lines. Find a way to cheer up the worldwide consumer base and get them spending.
Initiator: MS
Supervisor: MS
Serial Number: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Project Goal: Clean up the grey goo spill
Due to unprecedented changes in tidal patterns in recent fiscal quarters international shipping has become more hazardous. Due to a series of Health and Safety oversights a supertanker carrying 8 million gallons of the Company's Nanite based wart removal product has grounded off the coast of England, resulting in a massive spill. Get there and clean up that grey goo before it consumes any more sea birds…or sea. Don't let the environmental regulators find out!
Initator: REDACTED
Supervisor: van Profitsing
Serial Number: 11-222-999-33b
Project Goal: Acquire various small business that have recently been incorporated from company assets.
A number of small, high-mobile businesses have recently been started up. Paper trails indicate that these are leveraging company employees for both workforce and floorspace. Acquire these companies and perform an aggressive takeover. Silver actuarial equipment is available from the Stationery Bunker.
van Profitsing has recently gone missing; find him as part of the project so he can supervise it.