Nothing has ever been more harmful to product development time-lines than the laws of physics; a complex regulatory regime instigated by the universe. Createalytics is able to focus the power of synergy to realign these laws with corporate strategy making them much more amenable to research teams attempting to monetarise science!
Createalytics is particularly useful for company scientists and engineers looking to push back the boundaries of product innovation and who won't take no (from a calculator) for an answer.
Createalytics generates synergy through careful product testing. The larger the test group, and the more detailed the testing, the greater the synergy created. Testing a perfume which causes mild skin irritation upon oneself will generate very little synergy. Issuing free samples of a perfume which causes all your hair to fall out and your eyes to glow with an unholy red light to all students aged 12-15 in the state of Ohio will generate a great amount of synergy.
Science and Sabotage are the core competencies best leveraged to instigate rigorous testing regimes and generate synergy for creatalytics.
Createalytics uses a reality distortion field to bend the standard laws of physics. Anyone untrained in the habit of Createalytics attempting to understand or reverse engineer products created using these techniques is likely to go stark raving mad.
Reach across your personal timeline to pull out either a past or future version of yourself. For one whole hour, you get to enjoy your very own company - doubling productivity in the process! Please note that the spell holding your other self to the present will end if anyone recognises them, or if you attempt to ask them questions about what will happen in the future.
Createalytics takes no responsibility for the past/future self being annoyed and/or uncooperative.
This spell allows the guru to perform multi-dimensional analysis of an object no bigger than a human as long as they have access to some extremely complicated looking equipment (they don't have to know what the equipment actually does). The guru may observe the object not just in the regular three dimensions but also in dimensions 4 and 5; time and business. This allows the guru to get some insight into the history of the object and its role in the business world.
Broken objects are a waste of company space. However, this spell enables you to push an object further back down its own timestream, to a point where it worked. As time passes, the object will move downstream and break. Heavy or significant objects are harder to push, and so will break faster or may display unusual behaviour.
Reaching through the time-stream the guru briefly synergises the pre-Cretaceous business world with the modern corporate environment. Flickers of the jungle primeval will briefly play over desks and glass partitions as the two ages merge. Through this temporal nexus will travel several corporate dinosaurs; suit-wearing corporate carnivores from the dawn of the free market. These fearsome manager-reptiles are excellent at all forms of asset stripping and will loyally guard a location of the gurus choosing against one intrusion. After this they will return to their point of temporal origin.
The company would like to remind its employees that any direct acts of violence towards fellow employees is against company policy. In such situations, corporate dinosaurs are authorised to defend you only if you are attacked first.
What do you mean, that furry bear paw distributes candy canes? And surely that console covered in shiny buttons must do something impressive? Using this spell, you can temporarily force an object to do what it looks like it's supposed to do. The smaller the object, the more effective the spell. If the object's appearance is vague, the outcome may be unpredictable.
Note that objects influenced by this spell are unable to influence other objects e.g. using this spell on a remote that is an exact external replica of so-and-so's death ray controller will not give you control of their death ray. Exception: if the death ray was created with the intent of interacting with the object influenced by this spell.
Note also that using a label to describe the form of an object is lazy, and always results in unintended consequences.
You set up an elaborate synergy trigger that, should one person/group other than you or someone accompanied by you enter a particular workspace, replaces it with the same workspace from another time stream - you can choose the general nature of the time stream (e.g. “one in which I have done nothing wrong”, “one in which the CEO is still the bent paperclip of 20 years ago”) but the specifics are out of your control. This technique will 'fire' once and then fade after the intruders have left.
Have you ever wanted to go back in time and do things differently? Stop yourself from insulting that managing director right behind you? Decide not to add those two chemicals together for explosive effect? Do something (or everything) better? Now you can! In one localised space (e.g. one floor of the company HQ), you can initiate up to fifty repeats of the past twelve hours, with no one else the wiser, allowing you to choose the best of all possible worlds.
Createalytics does not take responsibility for any deja vu headaches that might result…or holes in the space-time continuum.
So you don't have a degree in advanced polytastic fibloration. In fact, you don't even know what polytastic fibloration is. You probably shouldn't have volunteered yourself to be part of a project all about it. Luckily, with this spell, you can make calculated science bluffs on one topic (e.g. polytastic fibloration) for one week. As long as your bluffs follow some kind of logic, they should work - e.g. cannot say “this object can fly because it can”, but can say “due to this object being made of aluminium, a material used for building aeroplanes, I don't see why it can't fly”. On its own, this spell does not enable creation of new objects, but does assist your non-magical creation process. Cannot be used directly on living things.
Pull iterations of yourself from countless alternate realities to this one. For up to one week, your task force army can be sent to do your bidding - scientific or otherwise. Should any of them be about to die, they will be sent back to their own reality at the exact moment they were removed, and another you will take their place. Of course, since they're all you, this means they have identical competencies, weaknesses and indeed desires. While they will probably be on your side for the duration of the spell, nothing stops them from wandering off and doing their own thing.
Empty your imagination of silly notions like 'impossible' and impose your creativity on the world. The Rule of Law allows the guru to involve the laws of creation in a rapid redevelopment and redeployment process. Succinctly, the guru may choose a single natural law (be it mathematical, biological, chemical or physical) and redefine it.
The duration and area of effect of the spell are highly dependent on how dramatic the change is, since this affects how quickly reality notices someone has forgotten to carry the one. Redefining gravity to repulse rather than attract objects may go unnoticed for some time. E=(hamsters) C2 is likely to cause untold chaos and be corrected in short order.