====== Projects Turn 2 ====== ===== Project Cerebral Simian===== **Initiator:** Prof. Dr. Dr. \\ **Supervisor:** __Redacted__ \\ **Serial Number:** 8008NOBO3ZETA \\ **Project Goal:** Make a Better Monkey \\ ==== Project Description ==== Regular monkeys are no longer intelligent enough for modern cosmetic testing regimes. Create some super-intelligent monkeys to increase throughput in our perfume and shampoo divisions. If you can make the monkeys more attractive even better. ===== Project Deep Throat===== **Initiator:** __Redacted__ \\ **Supervisor:** __Redacted__ \\ **Serial Number:** 125578142 \\ **Project Goal:** Uncover the traitor on the Board \\ ==== Project Description ==== One of my fellow board members is a traitor, I'm sure of it. I think they've been selling secrets to one of our competitors, or maybe subverting our operations from within. Find out who it is so they can be removed from the Board. We need answers fast! ===== Project Happiness===== **Initiator:** Manitoba Saskatchewan \\ **Supervisor:** __Redacted__ \\ **Serial Number:** ec54f51e04f5f5ba418e26adaa05e5e4 \\ **Project Goal:** Make the people of Utopiaville happy again \\ ==== Project Description ==== Suicide rates in our experimental 'Utopiaville' planned city are 86% and rising. This is an unacceptable figure for somewhere which is supposed to exemplify the best of what the company can offer - find out why the citizens are all so bloody miserable and do something about it. ===== Project Root Canal===== **Initiator:** D. D'Vere \\ **Supervisor:** M. Brandt\\ **Serial Number:** TTTTT9X\\ **Project Goal:** Fix the dental plan\\ ==== Project Description ==== The company Dental Plan is costing the Company too much annually and is an administrative nightmare since employees insist on having multiple teeth. Dentists are expensive. Either slash the cost of the scheme or find a way make real money out of those teeth! ===== Project Repackage This ===== **Initiator:** __Redacted__ \\ **Supervisor:** __Redacted__ \\ **Serial Number:** 4679794813813115479326859358cd09 \\ **Project Goal:** Dispose of excess killbots. \\ ==== Project Description ==== Following a recently cancelled order, we have 10,000 excess Terminator 3001 "security" bots in non-urban configuration. Those responsible for signing a contract with such awful cancellation clauses have been sideways promoted from the 53rd floor. Find a profit maximizing solution to this excess supply. ===== Project Antiflood===== **Initiator:** Manitoba Saskatchewan \\ **Supervisor:** Lord Bernard Hiss \\ **Serial Number:** dc1596aa6383ff9e83bb78dbd19c7874 \\ **Project Goal:** Fix the flooding\\ ==== Project Description ==== The pipes are leaking in the lower sub-basements of Facilities to an unacceptable extent, leaving several areas completely submerged. Uncover the source of the leak and fix it. ===== Project Corporate Popstars ===== **Initiator:** Jake Bloom \\ **Supervisor:** Gina Star \\ **Serial Number:** 9439d1876bc86e86fb6c3d085355a078 \\ **Project Goal:** Recruit corporate entertainers to promote the company. \\ ==== Project Description ==== Company inspectors recently noted that there are a several a capella groups springing up. The company feels that their energy could be better spent singing catchy company jingles. Recruit a variety of entertainers to promote the company to a larger audience. If possible get a No. 1 selling album out of it. ===== Project Badger Nine ===== **Initiator:** __Redacted__ \\ **Supervisor:** __Redacted__ \\ **Serial Number:** Stack Overflow Error \\ **Project Goal:** Acquire Italy, a Leonov Group Subsidiary \\ ==== Project Description ==== Italy, a Leonov Group Subsidiary, is currently a Leonov Group subsidiary. Its prime geographic location in the Mediterranean means it is the key to controlling several as yet unpenetrated markets. We need to do everything in our power to acquire it, or at the very least prevent the Leonov Group from maintaining control of it. ===== Project Tax Refund Adjustment ===== **Initiator:** __Redacted__\\ **Supervisor:** M. Brandt \\ **Serial Number:** 271e59406f5f7ff6d3dfa7b7fa075bef \\ **Project Goal:** Fix the company's taxes \\ ==== Project Description ==== The Company's tax bill has risen by $0.19, placing it above Company-mandated upper bounds and threatening to destabilize our ancient and circuitous tax avoidance mechanisms. Trace the source of the change and reverse it, fast. ===== Project Something Slimy This Way Comes ===== **Initiator:** Ada Ferrari \\ **Supervisor:** Lord Bernard Hiss \\ **Serial Number:** 0edb66e651efceeb50f76336226cdfe4 \\ **Project Goal:** Find and stop the slimy R&D monstrosity \\ ==== Project Description ==== As of late, certain employees (who shall remain nameless) have neglected the cleaning of some R&D labs. Various chemicals lazily left lying around, combined with smaller life forms has created a //something//. We have yet to get clear footage, but this //something// is leaving slime trails and chewing the power cables. Its presence is not conducive to productivity. Find it and stop it. ===== Project Anchor ===== **Initiator:** Patrick \\ **Supervisor:** __Redacted__ \\ **Serial Number:** 3a5496b50ecffc8943b58c83579adc8a \\ **Project Goal:** Halt the movement of Germany 2\\ ==== Project Description ==== Germany 2 is currently docked at a company-owned port. If we can keep them there for a week we can charge them exorbitant mooring fees - make it happen! ===== Project Mutually Assured Profit ===== **Initiator:** __Redacted__ \\ **Supervisor:** Dr. Universe Smith \\ **Serial Number:** 5b2497276ed29573e8294e26757a581d \\ **Project Goal:** Build a Doomsday Device \\ ==== Project Description ==== His Royal Majesty Emperor Claude Le Strode XI of Quebec has issued a decree demanding that the companies of the world compete to provide him with a doomsday border defence device greater and more innovative than all those he already owns put together. Mjölnir Heavy Industries and the Red Star Trading Consortium have already indicated their interest.